A child custody and visitation order is not a set of suggestions; it is a legally binding mandate from a Virginia judge. When you and your co-parent finalize a custody agreement, you both have a legal obligation to adhere to its terms. Unfortunately, the reality of co-parenting is often messy, and violations of custody orders are a common source of frustration and conflict.
If your ex is consistently late for drop-offs, denying you your scheduled parenting time, or making major decisions without your required input, you are likely feeling powerless and angry. At Raheen Family Law, we frequently help parents enforce their custody rights. As experienced family law attorneys, we understand the emotional toll these violations take and are here to guide you through the legal steps necessary to hold your co-parent accountable.
Identifying a Custody Order Violation
Before taking legal action, it is important to distinguish between a minor, isolated inconvenience and a true violation of the court order.
A judge is unlikely to penalize a parent who is 15 minutes late due to unexpected traffic once or twice. However, a pattern of behavior that disrupts the child’s routine or infringes on your rights is a different matter.
Common examples of custody order violations include:
- Denying Visitation: Refusing to hand over the child for your scheduled parenting time without a valid, legally recognized excuse (such as a genuine medical emergency).
- Chronic Tardiness: Consistently arriving late for pick-ups or drop-offs, cutting into your time with the child.
- Failing to Return the Child: Keeping the child past the designated end of their visitation period.
- Interfering with Communication: Blocking your phone calls, texts, or video chats with the child during the other parent’s time, if the order guarantees this contact.
- Violating Legal Custody: Making major decisions regarding the child’s education, healthcare, or religious upbringing without consulting you, if you share joint legal custody.
- Disparaging the Other Parent: Speaking negatively about you to the child, or allowing others to do so, which is often prohibited by standard custody orders.
Steps to Take When a Violation Occurs
If your co-parent is violating the custody order, your immediate reaction might be anger, but it is crucial to handle the situation strategically to protect your legal standing.
1. Document Everything
This is the most important step. You must create a clear, objective record of every violation.
- Keep a Log: Maintain a calendar or journal detailing the date, time, and nature of each violation. Note how late they were, what excuses they gave, or what decisions they made unilaterally.
- Save Communications: Keep all text messages, emails, and voicemails related to the custody arrangement. If your ex refuses visitation via text, save that message.
- Use a Co-Parenting App: If communication is highly contentious, consider using a court-approved co-parenting app (like OurFamilyWizard). These apps create an unalterable record of all messages and schedule changes.
2. Communicate in Writing
If a violation occurs, address it with your co-parent calmly and in writing (email or text). State clearly that they violate the order and request that they comply. Do not engage in arguments or use inflammatory language. Your goal is simply to document that you attempted to resolve the issue and that they refused.
3. Do Not Retaliate
It is incredibly tempting to retaliate when your ex violates the order. For example, if they deny you a weekend, you might think about keeping the child an extra day during your next visit. Do not do this.
Retaliating means you are also violating the court order. This will severely damage your credibility with the judge and make it much harder to enforce the order against your ex. Two wrongs do not make a right in family court.
4. Contact the Police (In Specific Situations)
If your ex refuses to return the child at the end of their visitation, or if you have a genuine fear for the child’s immediate safety, you can contact the police. However, police are often hesitant to intervene in custody disputes, viewing them as civil matters. They will usually only act if they believe a crime (like kidnapping) is occurring or if the child is in danger. Always have a certified copy of your custody order available to show them.
Legal Remedies: Filing for Contempt of Court
If the violations are persistent and your attempts to resolve them have failed, the appropriate legal remedy is to file a Motion to Show Cause (often referred to as filing for contempt of court).
By filing this motion, you are asking the judge to hold your co-parent accountable for disobeying the court’s order.
To win a contempt case, you must prove:
- A valid court order exists.
- Your co-parent knew about the order.
- Your co-parent intentionally violated the order.
If the judge finds your co-parent in contempt, the penalties can be significant. The judge may:
- Order “make-up” visitation time for the days you missed.
- Require your ex to pay your attorney’s fees and court costs.
- Impose fines.
- In extreme cases of repeated, willful defiance, sentence the violating parent to jail time.
- Modify the custody order in your favor if the judge determines the current arrangement is no longer in the child’s best interests due to the violations.
Frequently Asked Questions About Custody Violations
Can I stop paying child support if my ex won’t let me see my kids?
No. Child support and child custody are two separate legal issues in Virginia. You cannot withhold child support as punishment for denied visitation. Doing so will put you in violation of a court order and subject you to penalties.
What if my teenager refuses to go to the other parent’s house?
As the custodial parent, you have a legal obligation to encourage and facilitate visitation. If your teenager refuses, you must document your efforts to make them go. Simply saying “they don’t want to” is not a valid defense against a contempt charge.
How many times does my ex have to violate the order before I can take them to court?
There is no specific number. A single, egregious violation (like taking the child out of state without permission) might warrant immediate legal action. For minor issues like tardiness, you generally need to show a consistent pattern of behavior before a judge will intervene.
Contact a Fairfax Child Custody Enforcement Attorney
Dealing with a co-parent who refuses to follow the rules is exhausting. You do not have to navigate this alone. You need an attorney who knows how to effectively present evidence of violations and aggressively advocate for your rights in court. At Raheen Family Law, we are dedicated to ensuring that custody orders are respected and enforced.
If your co-parent is violating your custody agreement, contact us today. Let our experienced Fairfax child custody attorneys help you hold them accountable. Call us at 703-223-5295.