When the judge in Manassas finally signed your custody order, you probably breathed a massive sigh of relief. The battle was over. You had a schedule, you had rules, and you could finally move on with your life.
But what happens when the ink dries and your ex simply refuses to follow the rules?
Maybe they are consistently an hour late for drop-offs. Maybe they are making medical decisions without consulting you, despite your joint legal custody status. Or maybe they are outright refusing to let you see your children on your court-ordered weekends.
When co-parenting breaks down, frustration quickly turns to anger. But taking matters into your own hands is dangerous. If your ex is violating the order, you have two primary legal remedies in the Prince William County Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court: filing a Rule to Show Cause, or filing for a Custody Modification. Here is how to know which one you need.
Option 1: The Rule to Show Cause (Enforcing the Current Order)
If you are generally happy with the custody schedule as it is written, but your ex is simply refusing to follow it, you need enforcement, not modification.
You do this by filing a “Rule to Show Cause.” This is a formal legal motion asking the judge to hold your ex in contempt of court. Essentially, you are telling the judge, “You issued an order, and my ex is ignoring it.”
To win a Show Cause hearing, you must prove two things:
- There is a valid, clear court order in place.
- Your ex willfully and intentionally violated that order.
If the judge finds your ex in contempt, the consequences can be severe. The judge can order them to pay your attorney’s fees, grant you make-up visitation time, impose hefty fines, or, in extreme cases of repeated violations, even sentence them to jail time.
Option 2: Custody Modification (Changing the Order)
Sometimes, enforcing the old order isn’t enough because the old order simply doesn’t work anymore. If your ex’s behavior is actively harming the child, or if circumstances have drastically changed since the original order was signed, you need to file a Motion to Amend (Modify) Custody or Visitation.
Virginia law requires you to prove a “material change in circumstances” before a judge will even consider changing a custody order. This is a high bar. A judge will not change custody just because you and your ex are bickering.
Examples of a material change in circumstances include:
- Your ex has developed a severe substance abuse problem.
- Your ex is moving out of state.
- Your child is older now and has expressed a strong, mature preference to change the living arrangement.
- Your ex is consistently and maliciously alienating the child from you (parental alienation).
If you can prove a material change, the judge will then re-evaluate the case using the standard “best interests of the child” factors to determine if a new schedule is warranted.
The Danger of “Self-Help”
The absolute worst thing you can do when your ex violates the order is to retaliate by violating it yourself.
If your ex is late on child support, you cannot withhold visitation. If your ex keeps the kids an extra day, you cannot keep them an extra day next time to “make it even.” Judges in Prince William County despise “self-help” remedies. If you retaliate, you give your ex the ammunition they need to file a Show Cause against you, making you look just as guilty in the eyes of the court.
Always take the high road, document the violations meticulously, and let your attorney handle the retaliation in the courtroom.
Frequently Asked Questions About Custody Disputes
How much evidence do I need to prove my ex is violating the order?
You need concrete proof, not just your word against theirs. Keep a detailed calendar of every missed visit or late drop-off. Save all text messages and emails where your ex admits to altering the schedule or refusing to co-parent. If there are police reports or CPS records, your attorney will subpoena them.
Can I stop my ex from seeing the kids if I think they are in danger?
If you believe your child is in immediate, imminent physical danger, call 911 or Child Protective Services. Do not simply withhold visitation without legal backing. Your attorney can file an Emergency Motion to suspend visitation until a full hearing can be held. If child support is also being disputed, that can be addressed at the same hearing.
How long does it take to get a court date for a modification?
The Prince William County courts are busy. Unless it is a true emergency, it can take several months to get a hearing date for a custody modification. This is why it is crucial to file the motion as soon as a material change occurs, rather than waiting for the situation to resolve itself.
Stop the Cycle of Conflict
You do not have to live at the mercy of an uncooperative co-parent. Court orders are not suggestions; they are the law.
At Raheen Family Law, we help parents in Prince William County enforce their rights and protect their children. Whether you need to hold your ex accountable with a Show Cause or completely restructure your parenting plan through a modification, we have the courtroom experience to get results. Contact us today or call our Fairfax Divorce Lawyer Now! at 703-223-5295 to speak with an experienced Prince William divorce lawyer about your custody dispute.